Today has been one of those "I want to move back to Oklahoma" days. We have been here 8 months already, and I have yet to find a best friend. I miss my Robin and Susan. Those gals that I could tell anything to and not be judged, but would be encourage by. Someone to watch movies with in our pj's. I miss my Laurie. To have a neighbor that is also a friend. Someone you can count on, and that trusts you and counts on you also. I miss my Jessica. To have a couple to hang with as families. To have over for dinner, and not to stress about how the food will be or if the house is clean enough. The one you can call just to have a glass of iced tea with. I miss my Carla. Even though we didn't get together often, the comfort of having the person that shares your history close to you. There are others I miss, so if you aren't listed please don't be hurt.
I really thought that within a few months I would have my Texas Robin, my Texas Laurie, etc. That hasn't happened. Have I met some nice gals? Yes? Have I shared a few play dates? Yes. But it isn't the same. The people here don't know my history. They don't "get" me. I feel alone. There are lots of people around, but yet I still feel so alone.
I have no doubt that God has brought us here for a reason. It is HIS will that we are here. But is it too much to ask to find some friends? And some that live close to me? The one person I have clicked with lives across town. I know the Lord is with me. I know He is my friend, and He wants to fill this void. But he can't watch my kids while I go have my MRI done or go to the doctor. I feel bad every time my husband has to take off work because of me.
I just don't feel like I belong. I don't belong in Oklahoma anymore, and I still don't belong here. We have found a great Sunday school class, but I just don't feel like I belong there. We are the youngest in there. We are one of the only ones with small kids. Everyone is nice, and I genuinely care for them. I just don't feel close to them. I wouldn't know who to call if something happened and we needed help fast. There is someone I could call, but they aren't from our church now. She is from a church we visited when we first moved here. I have continued to go to Bible study there with her. I feel like maybe we "belong" more over there. If that's the case, then why has God called us to Harvest instead of FBC? I know we are where He wants us. I feel so confused. I just don't understand things yet. I wish God would just reveal himself to me. Can't He just shine a light over someone and say "This is the friend, whom I have chosen for you."? I know he can, but he probably won't.
Things are different here. Women here are busy. Most of them work, at least part time. They don't have time to form new friendships. They probably struggle to find the time just to maintain the ones they already have. So, where do I fit in? Where do I belong? Where is my niche? How can I let go of the past so that I can move on toward the future. Let go of Oklahoma and all I had there, and move forward to the future here in this crazy place called Texas? This is what I am struggling with right now.
So here are the verse I will claim today. The words I will let wsh over me and comfort me. If you have any that you would like to share with me, please do.
"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave or forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged" Deut. 31:8
"Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:18-19
"The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold." Psalm 46:7
"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." John 14:27