"What is wrong with these kids?" That is the thought that has continued to go over and over and over again in my mind the past couple of weeks. They are being disobedient, disrespectful, and just plain out mean to each other. All they do is make messes, watch TV, and play video games. Sometimes they even do all three at the same time! What is wrong with these kids?
Denial is not just a river in Egypt! Serious denial was happening in my house. The question isn't what is wrong with my kids, but more of who is leading them? What is wrong with me?
Here comes some of the confessions. I don't remember the last time we had a family devotion time. The kids have even stopped asking to do them. That's how many weeks it has been. Maybe it has even been months. *sigh* Who is leading these children? I've been nagging them. I haven't enforced much besides homework. They have no problem making it to all the meals, but cleaning up from the meals has been left undone. Who is investing in these children? I've used the excuse that I am just too tired lately. I've been ill. I haven't felt well. Is that an excuse? Is lupus a reason not to parent my kids? Have my children ceased being eternal beings? Is it okay to check out of life because you struggle? No.
How could I forget I'm not alone? How could I ignore God's faithfulness? How could I deny the one holding me and my family in the palm of His hands? How could I become unfaithful to my family? That is what I have been. I have been unfaithful to them spiritually and emotionally. Don't get me wrong. Their physical needs have been met. I just don't think I have been giving them much more than that. It's time to stop running from this truth.
No more lukewarm momma. I need to pray to be the Godly wife and mother I am created to be, instead of praying for my kids to be more tidy and organized. I need to pray for wisdom and discernment, instead of praying my children are quiet and obedient. I'm done. I can't do life the way I have been. I put a stop to it tonight.
We spent the time off of leadership meeting tonight cleaning the house. I told the kids we might even be taking an entire week off of the television. They looked very concerned. I just know that we can't keep living with the t.v. being the god we serve. We have to do whatever it takes to take back our family. This is our home. I can not sit by and let life keep spiraling out of control.
Saviour, like a shepherd lead me...I can not do this in my own strength. It has to be all about You being glorified in our family. It has to be about our hearts and our relationship with You. Nothing more. Just you, Father.