Craziness

"What is wrong with these kids?" That is the thought that has continued to go over and over and over again in my mind the past couple of weeks. They are being disobedient, disrespectful, and just plain out mean to each other. All they do is make messes, watch TV, and play video games. Sometimes they even do all three at the same time! What is wrong with these kids?

Denial is not just a river in Egypt! Serious denial was happening in my house. The question isn't what is wrong with my kids, but more of who is leading them? What is wrong with me?

Here comes some of the confessions. I don't remember the last time we had a family devotion time. The kids have even stopped asking to do them. That's how many weeks it has been. Maybe it has even been months. *sigh* Who is leading these children? I've been nagging them. I haven't enforced much besides homework. They have no problem making it to all the meals, but cleaning up from the meals has been left undone. Who is investing in these children? I've used the excuse that I am just too tired lately. I've been ill. I haven't felt well. Is that an excuse? Is lupus a reason not to parent my kids? Have my children ceased being eternal beings? Is it okay to check out of life because you struggle? No.

How could I forget I'm not alone? How could I ignore God's faithfulness? How could I deny the one holding me and my family in the palm of His hands? How could I become unfaithful to my family? That is what I have been. I have been unfaithful to them spiritually and emotionally. Don't get me wrong. Their physical needs have been met. I just don't think I have been giving them much more than that. It's time to stop running from this truth.

No more lukewarm momma. I need to pray to be the Godly wife and mother I am created to be, instead of praying for my kids to be more tidy and organized. I need to pray for wisdom and discernment, instead of praying my children are quiet and obedient. I'm done. I can't do life the way I have been. I put a stop to it tonight.

We spent the time off of leadership meeting tonight cleaning the house. I told the kids we might even be taking an entire week off of the television. They looked very concerned. I just know that we can't keep living with the t.v. being the god we serve. We have to do whatever it takes to take back our family. This is our home. I can not sit by and let life keep spiraling out of control.

Saviour, like a shepherd lead me...I can not do this in my own strength. It has to be all about You being glorified in our family. It has to be about our hearts and our relationship with You. Nothing more. Just you, Father.

Tansforming My Perspective

I have to admit that I have put my theme for the year out of my mind lately. Struggling to make it through the day, and simply take care of my family consumed my mind. Yesterday at church Russ preached on Daniel 3 (Bible version of the Veggie Tales Shad, Rack and Benny story). We looked at how we need to decide who we will serve, seek out relationships that will strengthen that decision, and how we need to make sure we choose something worth living and dying for. I felt like it was a great sermon for my daughter to hear. I didn't know that God was laying the ground work to remind me of something myself.

Since I've been struggling with loneliness lately I decided to read a devotion on it. It could only help me, right? Today's reading was Daniel 3. This devotion just gives you a passage in the Bible to read. It doesn't have some rosy little narrative to go with it. It is simply letting God talk to your lonely heart through His word.

So, Daniel 3. Three men thrown in the the fire, but four can be seen walking around. God didn't leave them alone. Remember that Footprint in the Sand poem/story? God hasn't left me alone. I'm not alone. He is here with me. He is loving me, caring for me, carrying me through this time. Here is my version of Daniel 3:28,

"Praise be to the God of Sherry, who has sent his angel and rescued his servant! She trusted in him and defied the world's command and was willing to give up her life rather than serve or worship any god except her own."

The world says that I need to be happy, get my validation from others, and be surrounded by people all the time. I can not serve that theory any longer. It is time for me to get out of the way, and allow God to transform my perspectives. I am not alone. God is with me. If I have a season of being alone more, that means that my Father is seeking me to transform me in some way. How my mood changes when I look at this season as my Father actively perusing me! I worth so much that He is chasing after me! God is simply doing just like the lyrics of the Jason Grey song, "tell me once again who I am to you, that I belong to you."

God is showing up in a big way in my heart right now. I pray that you are allowing Him to do the same in yours. He is pursuing you just as he is me. You are His beloved as well. Let Him tell you again who you are to Him.

Please let me know how I can pray for you. We are not alone. Decide what you will serve, who you will listen to.

My Morning Soundtrack

In my head is an endless play list of songs going. The soundtrack to my life. I don't sing well at all, but I can hear a song once and almost memorize the entire thing. I love music.

Sometimes, God uses the strangest ways to speak to us. Often times He uses my soundtrack to speak to me. This morning as I was getting ready for church I asked my daughter if my outfit looked stupid. As a 13 year old girl, she knows more about fashion than I do. Why do I even care what I look like? It has taken 2 hours to get ready already. I am fighting fatigue and pain today. Overwhelming fatigue. I have had to sit and rest after doing the smallest thing. Very frustrating. I just want to look pretty today. People say that doing your hair and makeup help you feel better. I guess people aren't always right.

Anyway.

When I come back in my bathroom what song comes on? Beautiful by Bethany Dillon. How it spoke to my soul this morning. I have been struggling with loneliness lately. When I don't feel well I tend to distance myself from everyone. Everyone is too busy with their own lives to really notice. It's true: out of sight, out of mind. Do you like my pity party I am having? Nice, huh? Well, I'm so glad God doesn't let me dwell on myself too long. This song, Beautiful, talks about trying to keep every one's attention. It says "thought I could be strong, but it's killing me. Someone hear my cry, I'm dying for new life. I want to be beautiful. To make you stand in awe. Look inside my heart, and be amazed. I want to hear you say, who I am is quite enough. Just want to be worthy of love, and beautiful."

God hears our heart's cry. He doesn't just leave us there in our brokenness. The song ends by turning the focus off of herself and on to God. "You make me beautiful. You make me stand in awe. You stepped in side my heart, and I am amazed. I love to hear you say, who I am is quite enough. You make me worthy of love, and beautiful."

What am I putting my focus on? Am I chasing what matters? Why am I constantly looking toward the world and others for validation? I will never get what I think I need. I will never find that acceptance, and unconditional love. However, God sees what man cannot sees. He sees my heart, and only He can complete it and make me beautiful. I hear Jesus calling me to live like I'm called. I haven't been lately. I've been too focused on my own afflictions, and feeding my depression. I want my soundtrack to be nothing but praise songs to Him.

It is all about perspective. Time to turn my focus off of myself. I'm sure I will have to tell myself this over and over and over again today, and tomorrow and the next day. It is a never ending process. Sanctification isn't easy. It's quite painful and uncomfortable at times. I know this place is not my home. One day I will have complete healing, and will dance before my Jesus without pain, and without being self-conscience.

New Year-New Theme

Last year on the radio I heard a challenge to choose a word to be your theme for the year. After a month of thinking and praying about it I settled on the word hope. I tried to find a good definition of it. I tried to focus on what I was putting my hope in. I tend to feel hopeless, so I tried to spend the year countering those feelings with God's truth. Our pastor at family camp defined hope as not just having a desire for God to do something, but also expecting Him to do it. That rocked my world. I quickly realized I wasn't expecting God to really do great things in my life. Don't get me wrong. I know that he can. I just wasn't expecting Him to.

Boy did my life change when I started expecting Him to show up. I put my hope in that I would find some healing here on earth. He lead me to a new chiropractor that did some allergy testing. I eliminated some things from my diet, and started treatments for my allergies I didn't realize I had. I have overall felt much better. I still have pain, and some flares, but they don't seem as bad. I feel my mood has also improved from all the changes and treatments.

I put my hope in the fact that He would transform my discontented heart at church. I was happy, but something just felt off. He brought us into a new season being missionaries in our town. Now, we serve at Kaleo Community Church.

Now, it is a new year. That means I need a new word or theme for the year. After searching my heart I realize my focus needs to be on transforming. I want my heart, soul and mind transformed into more of Christ's likeness. I'm not happy being like I am. I know He wants more of me. I want Him to do like the song says, "consume from the inside out". God wants to transform us. I want all my insecurities transformed into faith in my heavenly Father.

There are so many things I truly want transformed. I want my quiet time transformed. I want my marriage to be transformed. I want my family transformed. I want my relationships with my family and friends transformed. I desire greatness! None of these relationships are bad. Please do not misunderstand. I don't want to settle for good, when God can transform these things to greatness!

So, I am coupling last year's theme with this year's. I have the desire, and I expect God to use this year to transform all aspects of my life.

What is your theme for 2012? What do you want God to do in your life? I would love to know what word is going to be your focus for the year.

Why Do We Do What We Do?

I find myself lost in a whirl wind of day to day activities and responsibilities. Sometimes, church becomes just what we do. It is part of our "job". Sometimes, I find myself annoyed at all the kids running around in the halls. Well, truthfully just annoyed at the ones that belong to me. I let Satan get the best of me sometimes.

Then, God reminds me why we do what we do. Today, we had cookies hand delivered by a girl that we take to church. With it was a thank you note for taking her to church. In the note it said, "If it wasn't for you guys, I don't think I would've ever accepted Jesus".

Life can be such a struggle. We struggle to balance everything on our plates. But here is what the fight is really for: Eternity. These kids that I come in contact with are eternal beings. The children in my home will spend eternity somewhere. I want it to be with Jesus. It's not just for fun for my kids to take friends to church. Their eternal souls are at risk! How quickly I am to grumble about the things on my plate. Each one is a blessing. Each event is a chance to change where one of these kids spend eternity.

Lesson learned, God. Lesson is learned. God alone is to be praised. If it was up to me, I would spend every Sunday morning in bed watching TV. I'm just being honest. It is because God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but of power, love and self discipline that I get out of bed everyday.

So, take heart, my friends. You make the same PB&J sandwich everyday for a little eternal being. One day, he/she will have a little understanding on how consistent God is by how consistent you were in making them lunch everyday. One day, your little one will raise their hand in a church service or at a youth camp and ask Jesus to be Lord of their life.

We do what we do because eternity is on the line. We do what we do to bring glory to the God that created us. Rediscover your motivation today!

Church Planting, Part 2

Warning! This blog is going to be boring. It is just information. Sorry it is a little dry!

Here are the basics of how our church meets.

Our church meets in a local elementary school on Sunday mornings. We get there about 8am, with all our kids in tow. The men unload the trailer that houses all our stuff. They set up all the speakers, and stuff like that. The women mainly set up the kids areas. We do our worship service in the cafeteria. We have our kids space in the gym. It is divided up into three areas by the tables from the cafeteria. We have the nursery area, preschool area, and then the area for the school aged kids. We set up our hospitality tables, check in tables, make coffee and all the jazz.

We stop and have a time of prayer before people start arriving. I have to say that it is one of my favorite times of the week. It is just great to take time and prepare our hearts and attitudes before we encounter others. Let's be honest here, it can get a bit stressful when you are setting everything up and there are kids running around! We do have two youth that come in and help with that aspect of it. It is a nice luxury to have.

Then, we do church as you would assume. Afterwards, we tear it all down. It all goes back in the trailer to wait for the next Sunday.

Sunday nights are when we do our youth Bible study. Right now it is about 5 girls that come over to our house. We go over our study together. Then, we have dinner together with the youth and launch team and ALL of our kids (there are a lot of them!). After dinner we have our launch team meeting.

Wednesday nights we have Bible study for youth and above at the pastor's house. We do pizza, send the kiddos upstairs to the playroom, and jump right in. We have been doing a study on the basics.

That, in a nutshell, answers most people's basic questions on how we do church at our church. But that is just scratching at the surface. Church planting is a lifestyle. It is being a missionary. Let's explore that in another post.

Being a Missionary in Texas

I know you are asking yourself what being a missionary looks like when you are in Texas. Let me be real clear here. We are not "missionaries" under some organization. We are simply a family called to be missionaries in our present location. So what does that look like? What is being a missionary?

It is being more aware of the people you come in contact with. It is being more bold in finding out where people are in their lives, and what their needs are. It is being ready and willing to meet those needs. It is being strategic in where you put your kids in sports, so that you can come in contact with people out of your normal sphere of influence. It's being willing to help out at the school with little or no notice at all. It's doing things to show appreciation to the public servants of our city. It is simply building relationships with people you wouldn't normally. Isn't that what we would be doing in the Congo? Talking to our neighbors? Meeting whatever needs we could? Forming relationships with them in hopes that one day the doors will open for us to share the gospel with them? So, that is what it looks like. It is living your life in an intentional way for Christ.

God has brought various people into our lives. Right now, for the most part it seems to be teenagers that he is calling us to minister to. I'm going to be honest right now. I don't really like teenagers that much. I didn't like myself as a teen. I do really well with other women. So, I have asked God why can't I just lead a women's Bible study. I plead with him, "youth? Really??? Me and youth?" Yet, we are not called to what we are equipped for, but He equips us for what we are called. I know that it is not on my own understanding or talents that I lead this small group of teenage girls in Bible study every Sunday night. It is in Christ alone. That really is our theme of our lives right now.

Here is an example of being more aware of the people God places in our paths. This afternoon I had Andrew's 6Th birthday party at our home. A little boy from his kindergarten class was dropped off. The mother didn't get out of the car. Later, when she returned for her son as I was telling another mom how we do our church (see previous post), she asked where we went to church and what denomination it was. I could see the walls going up in her eyes, preparing for the worst. I, then, explained about how we are associated with the SBC of Texas and are based on those core beliefs. But, there is always a BUT after that. We are a come as you are church. We want to meet people where they are. We come to church in jeans, and most have tattoos (at least it seems to me!). We are not your stereotypical, judgmental, put you in a perfect little box church. We are real people doing life together. We welcome everyone. I could see the question of "even my family?" in her eyes. Yes. Even your family. Everyone has baggage to one extent or another. I told her how we were doing a Christmas Eve service. She was thrilled! She said she had been wanting to find somewhere to go for Christmas Eve. They have lived here for two years, and had yet to find a church. They are from California, and had felt judged everywhere they went.

So, now I just pray for her and her family. I pray that they make it in our doors, and that we get the opportunity to love on them. That is always my prayer. Let me simple love the people you bring to us. Let me show them Christ's love.

It all seems really basic, right? To some it may sound crazy. To others it sounds like what we should all be doing anyway. The problem is that we weren't really living as missionaries before. Although, we were in fact already missionaries for Christ. We were more focused on doing church, and the programs we were involved in. We didn't really see the true mission in it all. Now, our eyes have been opened, and our lives will never be the same. We are called.

What is Christ calling you to do? You, too, my friend, are called. You are kaleo. God's word says that we are called. Be bold and intentional in your lives. You don't know who God is going to place in your path. Decide today to be a missionary. Join us where you are on this great adventure!