My Personal 7 Experiment

I am 16 days away from my 1 year anniversary of the beginning of my health journey. I have written about the program I went on before. You can read about it here: http://crayonsandketchup.blogspot.com/2012/08/a-new-way-to-do-life.html . It has been since September since I have "worked the program" or kept a food journal. I have allowed myself to eat what I wanted as long as it did not contain gluten or peanuts. I only avoid those because they cause such severe pain in my muscles that I can't walk after I eat it. However, I have had plenty of butter, cheese, sugar, coke (or soda), and lots of chips (they were mainly GMO free Kettle Chips, though). Needless to say that I went from a 43 pound weight loss to a 30 pound weight loss total. In seven months I gained back 13 pounds that it took me five months to lose. Yuck!

Tomorrow is a new day.

Tomorrow is a new month.

I am going to be doing a lemon detox day. On the program I did three or five day detoxes. This time, I am only doing one. I know my body more now. I know that my body can only handle one. My family and my marriage can only afford for me to do one day! I am hoping that this will help jump start me back to where I need to be. I have given in to my selfish desires too much over the past seven months. It is time for a little denial.

I know a girl woman that did the 7 experiment. That is where you only have only seven different article of clothing to wear for an entire month. That has caused me to think about what I could give up for a month? I don't have a calling or desire to limit my already limited homeschooling mother wardrobe. What could my personal 7 experiment be? How about doing the opposite? How about avoiding seven things for a month? That is just some Dr. Seuss craziness going on!

Here are my 7:

1. Refined Sugar
2. Carbonated beverages
3. Coffee
4. Tea
5. Cheese
6. Chips
7. Chick-Fil-A Fries

If you know me at all, you know the last one is the one that probably hurts the most. To be honest, they all are hard to give up. Otherwise, why would they be on my list. I am excited, yet scared to do this. I don't know why. I did it before. Maybe it was different then because it was life or death for me. Now, it is just living or living healthy. That is still a big choice to make. Self denial is never fun. I can do this.

Do you want to do this with me? If so, please let me know. Let's have some accountability! We always do better when we have someone checking up on us. Shoot me an email at sherry-puckett@att.net if you are interested in joining me on this month long 7 experiment.

Here is the homeschool mom in me. What do you think the outcome will be? My hypothesis is that I will be feeling better. I will have more energy (even with out the coke and coffee). I will see my skin clearing up.

If you are not called to join me by physically doing the 7 experiment, then please join in praying for me as I go on this journey.

Persuasive Essays

My two oldest children had to write persuasive essays. They had to pick something that they wanted to persuade me to let them do. I was ready for topics such as why they should have dessert for breakfast, or something like why they should stay up late. However, that is not what I received. RaeAnne's was very well written. She simply wants to go camping with the youth group this weekend. You may ask yourself why that is such a big deal. We usually embrace any activity with the church. Sometimes, though, that is the one thing that you can ground them from that will make a difference to their behaviour or attitude. This was the case with taking away camping. Her argument was that camping bonds the youth group tighter together. She also said she would be willing to pay for it. She said she has learned to be more responsible and respectful. On top of all that she said that she would be willing to go without watching Dr. Who and the Lord of the Rings movies for an entire week. That, people, is a sacrifice for her. Sometimes, she really makes me laugh out loud. Her essay did make me tempted to give in to her request. However, I value the lesson she needs to learn by not going more. Joel, on the other hand, attacked a heavier subject. He was arguing on behalf of going back to public school. He said that he wouldn't fight with his brothers and sister as much. I think his thought on that was that he wouldn't be home as much to fight with them. His second point was that he would have more friends. The third reason was that he thinks it is fun there. So, to counter his theories I asked him if he was, in general, in more trouble for fighting with his siblings now or when he was in public school. He admitted that when he thought about it, that they get along much better now. They are learning to work together on things by doing science experiments and studying together. I did not tackle the issue of friends. But, to be honest I believe it is something that needs to be addressed. He has friends now. His actual friends he had in school he still has. The only difference is that he isn't around those acquaintances that he was getting in trouble with. Simply being around people does not make them friends. As for "school" being fun...really? Is it more fun than homeschooling? Where would you learning more? He thinks he is learning more at home. So, after all that, he is actually more happy being homeschooled. He said he definitely does not want to go to public school for middle school. He says maybe high school. My response is that we will see. That is three and a half years away. I don't know what God will call us to at that point. I want to always be open to His will and His plan for our family. I have learned to never underestimate my children. They think deeper thoughts than we presume. They also can reason more than we give them credit for. I continue to see how God provides teachable moments all the time. I was able to have a fairly deep conversation with both children because of their essays that were just part of our language arts curriculum.

Looking Back

In August (when I posted last) I really thought that I would be blogging all the time. After all, I would be sitting at my desk while my children worked quietly at their own desks on their school work. However, homeschooling takes a lot more time than I thought it would. Alas, here I am on December 31 typing my next blog. I am sitting here listening to seven chatty teenagers as they paint, Handy Mandy on tv, and to three boys discuss their lactose free ice cream. I was just thinking about the past year. Everyone is on Facebook posting about their year. This year has been rough for so many people that we love. It has also been an immense time of blessing for others. So here are some thoughts on my year. 2012 brought a lot of transitions for our family. We went from having three children in public school to homeschooling them. We went from helping with a church plant to joining Fellowship Baptist. We had lots of time with Daddy working out of town, and transitioned back to times of family unity. There was also the change in my health. This past year I have been sick 6 months, and healthy for about six months. The six months of healthiness were real health. This 50/50 may not sound like a good ratio to you, but to me it has been a huge blessing. I have spent 7 years being "sick" all the time, and trying to hide that from everyone. No one wants to know that you are in constant pain, and struggle to put one foot in front of the other. However, I have had almost six months where there were days were I was in very little pain. There have been MONTHS where I did not take ANY pain medication. You probably really don't understand what that means to someone with chronic pain. I look forward to God improving my ratio of sick/healthy months for 2013, and what that means for my family. 2013 is going to be my year.

A New Way to Do Life

As some of you know, I started a new journey in May. I was reluctant to put it out there. I know not everyone agrees with me, and not everyone will understand. In the middle of May I started a candida cleanse program through my chiropractor . Before I started this adventure I was not doing well physically. There were days I could barely move. There were times my husband had to physically pick me up off the floor and put me in bed. I was taking prescription pain medicine every day. My rheumatologist wanted to give me more medication, and only stated that my blood work looked fine to him. My blood work may have been fine, but I wasn't. I was in a lot of pain, and having new symptoms like extreme nausea. To quote Bryce, I was becoming a cripple. I have to say that I had the mindset of "this is just my cross to carry". I know people who are fighting cancer, and some that have a more severe case of lupus than I do. I was trying to be positive. Trying being the key word. It took so much energy to put on a good face when I went out into the world. I would then come home and crash. Most Sundays after church I could barely change my own clothes, and forget about being able to put on socks! There is lots to the cleanse, and if you want more information just ask me. I would love to share it with you, but for time sake I'm not going to write about it here. After the five week "cleanse" I felt so much better. I went from using a cane, and being on lots of prescription medicines to walking pretty much pain free, and being off all those medications. I haven't had to take pain medicine since I started the cleanse. I have completely changed my diet. What I am doing now is called eating healthy. I didn't realize what I was adding to my ailments by eating processed foods. All those chemicals, and all that yeast was literally killing me. I didn't just change my diet and start taking proper supplements. I also continued my chiropractic care. My chiropractor is an amazing man of God. Just so some of you understand, I feel I must say this: I do not have him up on a pedestal. I just recognize that he has changed my family's lives forever. He is just the instrument that God used to give me the information I needed to begin my healing process. He is just like us, and can do nothing apart from God. Anyway...on to current things. One of the side effects of that first cleanse I did was dropping 25 pounds. After seeing those results I have decided to make a 12 week commitment. I have bought and started the 12 week weight loss program through the same company I did the 5 week candida cleanse. 12 weeks. It is not easy. I am admitting to only committing to is six days a week. One day a week I will be more relaxed, like the gluten free pizza at BJ's that I will have Friday night with my friends! I am excited to see what will happen during this 12 weeks. I know that I will be feeling even better by the end. That is what drives me. As I saw quoted before: Being healthy feels better than any food could ever taste.

Me? A Homeschooler?

As many of you know, I have started homeschooling our 13 year old daughter. I have to admit I am terrified! I feel like I have no idea what I am doing. I am scared. What if I do this wrong, or that wrong? What if I don't get her enough socialization? What if I have a flare? How will I school her then? Am I choosing the right curriculum? Am I taking them on the right path? What about the co-op that I am choosing? Should I choose this one that is more social, or should I choose one that focuses on curriculum?

All I know is that I am called. God has blessed our family where I can stay home. He also knew what he was doing when he put me through the college path that he did. After college graduation I really never thought that I would use all those education classes besides helping my kids with homework on occasion. Now, however, I find myself using that information and textbooks that I kept. God does not make mistakes. I have realized that I really am the best person to teach my daughter, and possibly the boys as well.

So, God is transforming our lives. When I picked that word to be my theme for the year I was really thinking more about ministry and my heart. I was more praying for God to transform my heart to be more like His. I never thought that he would transform what my daily life looked like. With this transformation I am being forced to be more active. I am forced to look at my daily habits. I am having to relearn some things (which he might use later!).

I can already see transformation besides the physical differences in my life (like where I go and what I do with my time). I can see in my heart a transformation in my relationship with RaeAnne. My prayer is that our bond be strengthened. My philosophy is that all teenagers don't have to hate their parents and rebel. There can actually be a healthy relationship in which you actually like each other! I am praying that is the case with us.

So, needless to say, during this transformation we are going to need a lot of prayer. Here is what we need prayer for right now:

* Patience - This process is frustrating for both RaeAnne and I both. We need to give each other grace. It will take a while before we get a good routine down, and understand all we need to about the curriculum we are using. It will take time for her to get used to not having her friends surround her all the time.
* Attitude - Attitudes that are accepted in public schools from teachers (because they are coming from all the students) are not acceptable in our home. We are having issues with respect and attitude when I give assignments or try to explain a concept.
* Discernment - Right now the easy thing to do for next year seems to be doing the Texas Virtual Academy. It is free and accredited. However, I am finding myself wanting more freedom in my lesson planning. I also wish it had a more Biblical view. I would love to use Christian curriculum, but it is pricey and not always accredited. Pray that God shows me what path he wants us to take. Also, if he wants just RaeAnne to be home next year or also one or both boys.
* Gabriel - My time before was mainly with him. He could help me with chores, or we could be out running errands. We could do play dates any time we wished. He is having trouble with sharing mommy, and sissy not being able to play when he wants to. I don't just want to sit him in front of the t.v. every morning till lunch. Pray that I can find some creative ways to incorporate him into our routine.
* Health - I am completely drained by the end of the day. This is mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting right now. I know that it will get easier, but I need your prayer on it. Pray also that my lupus stays in remission, and doesn't flare. Please pray that the pain and fatigue from the fibro clams down.

Thank you for your prayers, and even just taking the time to read this. I am not interested in hearing anything negative. I know there are those that don't agree with homeschooling. This started as a way to keep my daughter physically and emotionally safe. It is now turning into a way of life, and a passion for me. I welcome positive comments and encouragement. I believe what my friend Angela told me: that God will fill in all the gaps I miss. This is His plan for us. We are doing this because we are called.

What is God calling you to that you need to be obedient in? Take the step of faith now! There is nothing as sweet as being in His will.

Craziness

"What is wrong with these kids?" That is the thought that has continued to go over and over and over again in my mind the past couple of weeks. They are being disobedient, disrespectful, and just plain out mean to each other. All they do is make messes, watch TV, and play video games. Sometimes they even do all three at the same time! What is wrong with these kids?

Denial is not just a river in Egypt! Serious denial was happening in my house. The question isn't what is wrong with my kids, but more of who is leading them? What is wrong with me?

Here comes some of the confessions. I don't remember the last time we had a family devotion time. The kids have even stopped asking to do them. That's how many weeks it has been. Maybe it has even been months. *sigh* Who is leading these children? I've been nagging them. I haven't enforced much besides homework. They have no problem making it to all the meals, but cleaning up from the meals has been left undone. Who is investing in these children? I've used the excuse that I am just too tired lately. I've been ill. I haven't felt well. Is that an excuse? Is lupus a reason not to parent my kids? Have my children ceased being eternal beings? Is it okay to check out of life because you struggle? No.

How could I forget I'm not alone? How could I ignore God's faithfulness? How could I deny the one holding me and my family in the palm of His hands? How could I become unfaithful to my family? That is what I have been. I have been unfaithful to them spiritually and emotionally. Don't get me wrong. Their physical needs have been met. I just don't think I have been giving them much more than that. It's time to stop running from this truth.

No more lukewarm momma. I need to pray to be the Godly wife and mother I am created to be, instead of praying for my kids to be more tidy and organized. I need to pray for wisdom and discernment, instead of praying my children are quiet and obedient. I'm done. I can't do life the way I have been. I put a stop to it tonight.

We spent the time off of leadership meeting tonight cleaning the house. I told the kids we might even be taking an entire week off of the television. They looked very concerned. I just know that we can't keep living with the t.v. being the god we serve. We have to do whatever it takes to take back our family. This is our home. I can not sit by and let life keep spiraling out of control.

Saviour, like a shepherd lead me...I can not do this in my own strength. It has to be all about You being glorified in our family. It has to be about our hearts and our relationship with You. Nothing more. Just you, Father.

Tansforming My Perspective

I have to admit that I have put my theme for the year out of my mind lately. Struggling to make it through the day, and simply take care of my family consumed my mind. Yesterday at church Russ preached on Daniel 3 (Bible version of the Veggie Tales Shad, Rack and Benny story). We looked at how we need to decide who we will serve, seek out relationships that will strengthen that decision, and how we need to make sure we choose something worth living and dying for. I felt like it was a great sermon for my daughter to hear. I didn't know that God was laying the ground work to remind me of something myself.

Since I've been struggling with loneliness lately I decided to read a devotion on it. It could only help me, right? Today's reading was Daniel 3. This devotion just gives you a passage in the Bible to read. It doesn't have some rosy little narrative to go with it. It is simply letting God talk to your lonely heart through His word.

So, Daniel 3. Three men thrown in the the fire, but four can be seen walking around. God didn't leave them alone. Remember that Footprint in the Sand poem/story? God hasn't left me alone. I'm not alone. He is here with me. He is loving me, caring for me, carrying me through this time. Here is my version of Daniel 3:28,

"Praise be to the God of Sherry, who has sent his angel and rescued his servant! She trusted in him and defied the world's command and was willing to give up her life rather than serve or worship any god except her own."

The world says that I need to be happy, get my validation from others, and be surrounded by people all the time. I can not serve that theory any longer. It is time for me to get out of the way, and allow God to transform my perspectives. I am not alone. God is with me. If I have a season of being alone more, that means that my Father is seeking me to transform me in some way. How my mood changes when I look at this season as my Father actively perusing me! I worth so much that He is chasing after me! God is simply doing just like the lyrics of the Jason Grey song, "tell me once again who I am to you, that I belong to you."

God is showing up in a big way in my heart right now. I pray that you are allowing Him to do the same in yours. He is pursuing you just as he is me. You are His beloved as well. Let Him tell you again who you are to Him.

Please let me know how I can pray for you. We are not alone. Decide what you will serve, who you will listen to.

My Morning Soundtrack

In my head is an endless play list of songs going. The soundtrack to my life. I don't sing well at all, but I can hear a song once and almost memorize the entire thing. I love music.

Sometimes, God uses the strangest ways to speak to us. Often times He uses my soundtrack to speak to me. This morning as I was getting ready for church I asked my daughter if my outfit looked stupid. As a 13 year old girl, she knows more about fashion than I do. Why do I even care what I look like? It has taken 2 hours to get ready already. I am fighting fatigue and pain today. Overwhelming fatigue. I have had to sit and rest after doing the smallest thing. Very frustrating. I just want to look pretty today. People say that doing your hair and makeup help you feel better. I guess people aren't always right.

Anyway.

When I come back in my bathroom what song comes on? Beautiful by Bethany Dillon. How it spoke to my soul this morning. I have been struggling with loneliness lately. When I don't feel well I tend to distance myself from everyone. Everyone is too busy with their own lives to really notice. It's true: out of sight, out of mind. Do you like my pity party I am having? Nice, huh? Well, I'm so glad God doesn't let me dwell on myself too long. This song, Beautiful, talks about trying to keep every one's attention. It says "thought I could be strong, but it's killing me. Someone hear my cry, I'm dying for new life. I want to be beautiful. To make you stand in awe. Look inside my heart, and be amazed. I want to hear you say, who I am is quite enough. Just want to be worthy of love, and beautiful."

God hears our heart's cry. He doesn't just leave us there in our brokenness. The song ends by turning the focus off of herself and on to God. "You make me beautiful. You make me stand in awe. You stepped in side my heart, and I am amazed. I love to hear you say, who I am is quite enough. You make me worthy of love, and beautiful."

What am I putting my focus on? Am I chasing what matters? Why am I constantly looking toward the world and others for validation? I will never get what I think I need. I will never find that acceptance, and unconditional love. However, God sees what man cannot sees. He sees my heart, and only He can complete it and make me beautiful. I hear Jesus calling me to live like I'm called. I haven't been lately. I've been too focused on my own afflictions, and feeding my depression. I want my soundtrack to be nothing but praise songs to Him.

It is all about perspective. Time to turn my focus off of myself. I'm sure I will have to tell myself this over and over and over again today, and tomorrow and the next day. It is a never ending process. Sanctification isn't easy. It's quite painful and uncomfortable at times. I know this place is not my home. One day I will have complete healing, and will dance before my Jesus without pain, and without being self-conscience.

New Year-New Theme

Last year on the radio I heard a challenge to choose a word to be your theme for the year. After a month of thinking and praying about it I settled on the word hope. I tried to find a good definition of it. I tried to focus on what I was putting my hope in. I tend to feel hopeless, so I tried to spend the year countering those feelings with God's truth. Our pastor at family camp defined hope as not just having a desire for God to do something, but also expecting Him to do it. That rocked my world. I quickly realized I wasn't expecting God to really do great things in my life. Don't get me wrong. I know that he can. I just wasn't expecting Him to.

Boy did my life change when I started expecting Him to show up. I put my hope in that I would find some healing here on earth. He lead me to a new chiropractor that did some allergy testing. I eliminated some things from my diet, and started treatments for my allergies I didn't realize I had. I have overall felt much better. I still have pain, and some flares, but they don't seem as bad. I feel my mood has also improved from all the changes and treatments.

I put my hope in the fact that He would transform my discontented heart at church. I was happy, but something just felt off. He brought us into a new season being missionaries in our town. Now, we serve at Kaleo Community Church.

Now, it is a new year. That means I need a new word or theme for the year. After searching my heart I realize my focus needs to be on transforming. I want my heart, soul and mind transformed into more of Christ's likeness. I'm not happy being like I am. I know He wants more of me. I want Him to do like the song says, "consume from the inside out". God wants to transform us. I want all my insecurities transformed into faith in my heavenly Father.

There are so many things I truly want transformed. I want my quiet time transformed. I want my marriage to be transformed. I want my family transformed. I want my relationships with my family and friends transformed. I desire greatness! None of these relationships are bad. Please do not misunderstand. I don't want to settle for good, when God can transform these things to greatness!

So, I am coupling last year's theme with this year's. I have the desire, and I expect God to use this year to transform all aspects of my life.

What is your theme for 2012? What do you want God to do in your life? I would love to know what word is going to be your focus for the year.

Why Do We Do What We Do?

I find myself lost in a whirl wind of day to day activities and responsibilities. Sometimes, church becomes just what we do. It is part of our "job". Sometimes, I find myself annoyed at all the kids running around in the halls. Well, truthfully just annoyed at the ones that belong to me. I let Satan get the best of me sometimes.

Then, God reminds me why we do what we do. Today, we had cookies hand delivered by a girl that we take to church. With it was a thank you note for taking her to church. In the note it said, "If it wasn't for you guys, I don't think I would've ever accepted Jesus".

Life can be such a struggle. We struggle to balance everything on our plates. But here is what the fight is really for: Eternity. These kids that I come in contact with are eternal beings. The children in my home will spend eternity somewhere. I want it to be with Jesus. It's not just for fun for my kids to take friends to church. Their eternal souls are at risk! How quickly I am to grumble about the things on my plate. Each one is a blessing. Each event is a chance to change where one of these kids spend eternity.

Lesson learned, God. Lesson is learned. God alone is to be praised. If it was up to me, I would spend every Sunday morning in bed watching TV. I'm just being honest. It is because God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but of power, love and self discipline that I get out of bed everyday.

So, take heart, my friends. You make the same PB&J sandwich everyday for a little eternal being. One day, he/she will have a little understanding on how consistent God is by how consistent you were in making them lunch everyday. One day, your little one will raise their hand in a church service or at a youth camp and ask Jesus to be Lord of their life.

We do what we do because eternity is on the line. We do what we do to bring glory to the God that created us. Rediscover your motivation today!

Church Planting, Part 2

Warning! This blog is going to be boring. It is just information. Sorry it is a little dry!

Here are the basics of how our church meets.

Our church meets in a local elementary school on Sunday mornings. We get there about 8am, with all our kids in tow. The men unload the trailer that houses all our stuff. They set up all the speakers, and stuff like that. The women mainly set up the kids areas. We do our worship service in the cafeteria. We have our kids space in the gym. It is divided up into three areas by the tables from the cafeteria. We have the nursery area, preschool area, and then the area for the school aged kids. We set up our hospitality tables, check in tables, make coffee and all the jazz.

We stop and have a time of prayer before people start arriving. I have to say that it is one of my favorite times of the week. It is just great to take time and prepare our hearts and attitudes before we encounter others. Let's be honest here, it can get a bit stressful when you are setting everything up and there are kids running around! We do have two youth that come in and help with that aspect of it. It is a nice luxury to have.

Then, we do church as you would assume. Afterwards, we tear it all down. It all goes back in the trailer to wait for the next Sunday.

Sunday nights are when we do our youth Bible study. Right now it is about 5 girls that come over to our house. We go over our study together. Then, we have dinner together with the youth and launch team and ALL of our kids (there are a lot of them!). After dinner we have our launch team meeting.

Wednesday nights we have Bible study for youth and above at the pastor's house. We do pizza, send the kiddos upstairs to the playroom, and jump right in. We have been doing a study on the basics.

That, in a nutshell, answers most people's basic questions on how we do church at our church. But that is just scratching at the surface. Church planting is a lifestyle. It is being a missionary. Let's explore that in another post.

Being a Missionary in Texas

I know you are asking yourself what being a missionary looks like when you are in Texas. Let me be real clear here. We are not "missionaries" under some organization. We are simply a family called to be missionaries in our present location. So what does that look like? What is being a missionary?

It is being more aware of the people you come in contact with. It is being more bold in finding out where people are in their lives, and what their needs are. It is being ready and willing to meet those needs. It is being strategic in where you put your kids in sports, so that you can come in contact with people out of your normal sphere of influence. It's being willing to help out at the school with little or no notice at all. It's doing things to show appreciation to the public servants of our city. It is simply building relationships with people you wouldn't normally. Isn't that what we would be doing in the Congo? Talking to our neighbors? Meeting whatever needs we could? Forming relationships with them in hopes that one day the doors will open for us to share the gospel with them? So, that is what it looks like. It is living your life in an intentional way for Christ.

God has brought various people into our lives. Right now, for the most part it seems to be teenagers that he is calling us to minister to. I'm going to be honest right now. I don't really like teenagers that much. I didn't like myself as a teen. I do really well with other women. So, I have asked God why can't I just lead a women's Bible study. I plead with him, "youth? Really??? Me and youth?" Yet, we are not called to what we are equipped for, but He equips us for what we are called. I know that it is not on my own understanding or talents that I lead this small group of teenage girls in Bible study every Sunday night. It is in Christ alone. That really is our theme of our lives right now.

Here is an example of being more aware of the people God places in our paths. This afternoon I had Andrew's 6Th birthday party at our home. A little boy from his kindergarten class was dropped off. The mother didn't get out of the car. Later, when she returned for her son as I was telling another mom how we do our church (see previous post), she asked where we went to church and what denomination it was. I could see the walls going up in her eyes, preparing for the worst. I, then, explained about how we are associated with the SBC of Texas and are based on those core beliefs. But, there is always a BUT after that. We are a come as you are church. We want to meet people where they are. We come to church in jeans, and most have tattoos (at least it seems to me!). We are not your stereotypical, judgmental, put you in a perfect little box church. We are real people doing life together. We welcome everyone. I could see the question of "even my family?" in her eyes. Yes. Even your family. Everyone has baggage to one extent or another. I told her how we were doing a Christmas Eve service. She was thrilled! She said she had been wanting to find somewhere to go for Christmas Eve. They have lived here for two years, and had yet to find a church. They are from California, and had felt judged everywhere they went.

So, now I just pray for her and her family. I pray that they make it in our doors, and that we get the opportunity to love on them. That is always my prayer. Let me simple love the people you bring to us. Let me show them Christ's love.

It all seems really basic, right? To some it may sound crazy. To others it sounds like what we should all be doing anyway. The problem is that we weren't really living as missionaries before. Although, we were in fact already missionaries for Christ. We were more focused on doing church, and the programs we were involved in. We didn't really see the true mission in it all. Now, our eyes have been opened, and our lives will never be the same. We are called.

What is Christ calling you to do? You, too, my friend, are called. You are kaleo. God's word says that we are called. Be bold and intentional in your lives. You don't know who God is going to place in your path. Decide today to be a missionary. Join us where you are on this great adventure!

Church Planting???

I realize it has been over a year since I have updated my blog. I recently heard a lady talk about why she blogs, and decided that there are some things that I want to let my family and friends know about. Plus, I love to read others blogs, so maybe someone will like reading mine!

First, the most important thing going on is our life for those who do not know, we left the church we have been at since moving to the Fort Worth area. We have joined in partnering in ministry with a church plant. I know that some people think, "Why? Fort Worth has tons of churches!" The answer to the question is that the population growth in our area has far surpassed church growth. There is a need that is not being met. There are lost and hurting people all around us. We are called.

For those who are wondering about the journey that brought us to Kaleo Community Church here is the story:

Towards the end of MOPS last year, I met a girl named Crystal. By met, I said good morning, and that was about it. The next meeting she came to she was wearing a Pine Cove shirt. She was not just wearing a PC shirt. She was wearing our family camp theme shirt from the year before. I know. I have it, and wear it often. Of course I went up to her and was, "Where did you get that!?! Do you go to Pine Cove?? What week?? We go week two! We love Pine Cove!" Once she figured out I wasn't crazy (well, not too crazy anyway), I found out they go week one! For all my PC peeps, you know that there is an instant bond for family camp families. I don't think that it matters what week you go. I think it must be like how some twins have a bond, and their own language. There is special camp language. You know people that go by weird names like Reba Smackentire, and Toolbie. So, this time I actually listened when she said they were church planters. I learned they were starting a church in their home. I learned they knew some of the people at my church, and that they used to go to Harvest themselves.

Over the summer I felt led to pray for them, and their ministry. Quite frankly, I didn't even remember her name. I knew that God did. I just had them on my heart all summer. I didn't see Crystal again till our MOPS meet and greet after the new school year had started. Guess what? I was put in her small group! I found out that not only were they from my "hood" (North west siders!), but they actually live in my addition! Crazy, right?

My heart was so drawn to their ministry. I asked about their church. I found out they were meeting in a school not far from our homes. I somehow convinced Bryce to go check out their church one Sunday that we didn't have any commitments at Harvest. I wanted to help support her and her ministry, and just see what a church plant was all about.

As I was sitting in the cafeteria/sanctuary singing with 15 other people, I was overwhelmed. I knew I was where God wanted me to be. I tried not to be that weird visitor that sits in service and cries, but it didn't work out so well. I knew, I mean I knew that God wanted me there. My blessed Redeemer was speaking to me personally! Now, the question was...is Bryce hearing and feeling the same thing?

A few days later, Bryce met with Russell (Crystal's hubby and the pastor). Bryce knew he wanted to support their ministry after talking over lunch with Russ. But, he thought maybe we could just support them financially. After all, we are really plugged in, and already serving at Harvest. A few day after that Bryce got an email. Long story short, God let Bryce know that he didn't want just his money. He wanted him. Sometimes, the God of the universe uses other people and circumstances to talk to us. This was one of those times.

There was a lot of praying, a lot of talking, and a lot of tears...at least tears on my part over the next week or so. We came together and realized that God was calling us to serve at Kaleo. They were in need of people that could commit to being there, and were established in their faith. Church planting isn't about finding people from other churches that aren't happy. It is about reaching the lost people. Pastor Russ says that there should be two types of people in our church: missionaries and lost people. Guess where we fit in???

That's right. We are missionaries. That is really how we see our roll with Kaleo. I got to say that I am more that a little grateful that God didn't call us to be missionaries in the Congo, or somewhere far away. He has called us to stay in our nice, air conditioned home. Where our kids can stay in their nice, familiar schools. Where I can still still see my nice, sweet friends that I have made in the area. Thank you, Jesus! But, what does being a missionary is Saginaw, Texas look like? Where are we in this journey now? I'll be answering those questions in the next few days.

Oh, and I know you're wondering what Kaleo means. It is a weird sounding word! It is the Greek word for called. How fitting. That is what we feel. We are called. We are called to be missionaries in Saginaw, Texas.

Out of Our Mouths

Our words are so important. I don't think we realize how much so. They can bring life or death, a blessing or a curse, good or evil.

Matthew 12:34-37 tells that we will have to give account to God for all our careless words, and that we will be either acquitted or condemned by our words.

How powerful! I pray that my words would be few and thoughtful. If out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks (Matthew 12:34), then I need to examine my heart sometimes...okay, a lot of the time.

David prayed "Create in me a clean heard, O God, and renew a right spirit within me." (Psalm 51:10) How often do we actually pray this and mean it? Not that often. Our words that we speak to our spouses, our children, coworkers, family, friends, and even strangers shows the condition of our heart. I know that I need a heart check-up.

My challenge to you and myself is to schedule that heart check-up with the Great Physician. Ask Him to search, and find any evil thoughts. How about bitterness? I'm sure none of us have any of that laying around in there. Or dare I even say the word...anger? There are so many different "heart conditions" that could be effecting our words. We need to take care of those conditions now! They only get worse as time goes on if left unchecked, just like our physical hearts.

Speak life to someone today.

Does life ever slow down? It doesn't seem to in our house.

I've seen a new rheumatologist. He thinks that I have some fibromyalgia on top of the lupus. So, we are trying a new medication. I want to cry when I think about the idea of living pain free or even just in less pain. I think about the things I will be able to do with my kids that I can't do now. It was nice to finally find a doctor that spoke English, but also cared. He really did care. He listened and respected the pain I was in and is trying to find a solution. I know that it is God that brought me to that specific doctor.

We have painted our kitchen and the ceiling of our kitchen. The color is toasted coconut. It is really growing on me. Now to paint the rest of the house. Next room is the dining room. I got a yellow color called crisp ginger ale. I think it will look quite nice in there. The main part of the house we want to paint Dapper Tan. Hopefully we can find a painter for a reasonable amount so I won't have to take all summer to do it!

So, that is all that is really happening in our lives right now. Not a lot!

Just Fine

When people ask, "How are you?" do you tell them how you really are? Do they really want to know? Is it just what people ask to fill in empty space and not knowing how to greet people? Am I just supposed to say, "I'm just fine, and how are you?" (Don't you just love that wonderful standard response "just fine".) I am faced with this problem a lot. Suffering, and that is what it is, from a chronic illness makes it hard to know how to answer people. Do you really want to hear that I'm having a good day? or Do you really want the truth?

I live with an invisible illness. I struggle daily to find a way to live well, even though I can't get well. My symptoms keep progressing, even though I don't like to admit that. I have a feeling the migraines and headaches I am now experiencing are somehow connected to my lupus. I struggle with saying that I have it, lupus. What an ugly word. It is ugly, there is nothing pretty about this thing that I will never be rid of. The symptoms are persistent and recurring. Remissions are possible, but only temporary.

Do you want to know how I feel now? Well, if you want to know keep reading. If not, then stop. Here is the truth right now...

This has been a long year so far. I have had bronchitis now three times. I have had long periods of pain and fatigue. I have had to find better makeup to cover the redness on my face. I have begun to have frequent headaches and migraines. I have been sick the entire month of April. Seriously, the entire month. I have filled 12prescriptions this month alone. This month I have had 2 antibiotic shots, 1 steroid shot, 1 pain shot, 3 antibiotic prescriptions, 1 steroid pack, 2 other prescriptions for side effects from all the antibiotics, cough medicine, nasal spray stuff, and my 3 regular meds I take, plus the different vitamins I take...what am I missing???...oh, the migraine meds I finally got. That is a lot, even for me!

So, back to my question...should I really tell people how I am? I know that some really want to know, but I really don't want to complain. I don't tell my husband how I feel all the time. Sometimes I only tell him so that he knows that I'm not mad at him or just lazy; that I don't feel well. I don't admit the severity of the pain, fatigue or other symptoms to my loved ones so that they don't worry. Come to my house...if it is clean then you know that I have really been feeling fine. If it looks like it does now then you know that I feel like crap. I do really well at putting on a good face when I go in public. You don't want people to feel sorry for you. You smile, chat, cry inwardly from the pain and for longing to be at home in bed.

I sometimes ask myself "how can I have actually taken care of my babies today?" I know the answer. Christ. "I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength." By the grace of God I am usually able to care for my kids till my husband makes it home. God is good, all the time. He gave me these four wonderful kids, and He will give me the resources to take care of them when I am feeling "just fine".

Lonely and Letting Go?

Today has been one of those "I want to move back to Oklahoma" days. We have been here 8 months already, and I have yet to find a best friend. I miss my Robin and Susan. Those gals that I could tell anything to and not be judged, but would be encourage by. Someone to watch movies with in our pj's. I miss my Laurie. To have a neighbor that is also a friend. Someone you can count on, and that trusts you and counts on you also. I miss my Jessica. To have a couple to hang with as families. To have over for dinner, and not to stress about how the food will be or if the house is clean enough. The one you can call just to have a glass of iced tea with. I miss my Carla. Even though we didn't get together often, the comfort of having the person that shares your history close to you. There are others I miss, so if you aren't listed please don't be hurt.

I really thought that within a few months I would have my Texas Robin, my Texas Laurie, etc. That hasn't happened. Have I met some nice gals? Yes? Have I shared a few play dates? Yes. But it isn't the same. The people here don't know my history. They don't "get" me. I feel alone. There are lots of people around, but yet I still feel so alone.

I have no doubt that God has brought us here for a reason. It is HIS will that we are here. But is it too much to ask to find some friends? And some that live close to me? The one person I have clicked with lives across town. I know the Lord is with me. I know He is my friend, and He wants to fill this void. But he can't watch my kids while I go have my MRI done or go to the doctor. I feel bad every time my husband has to take off work because of me.

I just don't feel like I belong. I don't belong in Oklahoma anymore, and I still don't belong here. We have found a great Sunday school class, but I just don't feel like I belong there. We are the youngest in there. We are one of the only ones with small kids. Everyone is nice, and I genuinely care for them. I just don't feel close to them. I wouldn't know who to call if something happened and we needed help fast. There is someone I could call, but they aren't from our church now. She is from a church we visited when we first moved here. I have continued to go to Bible study there with her. I feel like maybe we "belong" more over there. If that's the case, then why has God called us to Harvest instead of FBC? I know we are where He wants us. I feel so confused. I just don't understand things yet. I wish God would just reveal himself to me. Can't He just shine a light over someone and say "This is the friend, whom I have chosen for you."? I know he can, but he probably won't.

Things are different here. Women here are busy. Most of them work, at least part time. They don't have time to form new friendships. They probably struggle to find the time just to maintain the ones they already have. So, where do I fit in? Where do I belong? Where is my niche? How can I let go of the past so that I can move on toward the future. Let go of Oklahoma and all I had there, and move forward to the future here in this crazy place called Texas? This is what I am struggling with right now.

So here are the verse I will claim today. The words I will let wsh over me and comfort me. If you have any that you would like to share with me, please do.

"The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave or forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged" Deut. 31:8

"Do not call to mind the former things, or ponder things of the past. Behold, I will do something new, now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, rivers in the desert." Isaiah 43:18-19

"The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold." Psalm 46:7

"Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives, do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful." John 14:27

Seeking People

There seems to be a lot of people seeking lately. Seeking what? Seeking answers. Seeking God.

My husband has a man at work that he has been talking to that is trying to figure out what he believes. He isn't sure if the Protestant, Catholics, Jews or Muslims have it right. He is trying to find the right answers.

There is a woman I spoke with today at Bible study. She says she's seeking the truth. She believes in the Old Testament, but not in the new. She thinks people have twisted what really happened with Jesus and his message into something it wasn't. She believes in God. She is looking for historical proof. She is searching for the thing that will make her take the leap of faith to Christ.

At Bible study today we were talking about sanctification, and being set apart. The question was asked "Do you think your set apart? If so, why."

People are seeking. They are looking for people to talk to. People to answer questions they have about God, Jesus and the Bible. What is it about your lifestyle that would lead people to Christ. Do you talk like the world? Let your kids watch the same shows and listen to the same music that the world does? Do you live as the world lives, or just a small step away? We are called to be set apart. It is not an option for the Christian, it is a command. "Be holy, as I am holy" (1Peter 1:16) We have to be creditable. We have to know what we believe and why. We have to be passionate without being forceful.

God is opening up doors to us. Find your courage to speak the Truth. Plant seeds that need to be planted. Water the seeds that have been planted by someone else. Be ready for to the harvest that is ready and waiting. The time is now. Don't let these opportunities pass by. We are dealing with eternity. People are hurting and they need Jesus.

MOPS

After talking with someone today I was reminded anew of what MOPS means to me. I am passionate about MOPS. It has been my saving grace at times. For those who do not know what MOPS is, it is Mothers of Preschoolers. And let me tell you, I am a MOPS!

So, what all has MOPS meant to me over the years? At different stages it has been different things for me.

When I first became a stay at home mom it was a place where I could be with other moms. I could have a break from my children, and have adult conversation. That was probably what saved me from going over the edge. I became a better mom by having that down time away from my kids. And, I was able to relax because I knew my kids were close to me, having fun, and safe.

As I grew in my walk with the Lord, He showed me that He could use me. Becoming a mom when I was 18 and not married, I had this mentality that I wasn't usable by God. My choices had benched me from serving the Lord in any public way. After all I had done in my past, who was I to help lead other women? MOPS was the place that God showed me He wanted to use me. I became a discussion group leader. Pretty simple...call the girls and remind them about MOPS, and during discussion time pose the questions that were on a piece of paper in front of me. Simple, but this was a big step for me.

MOPS then became where I learned to trust God with my time. I became more involved in a leadership role. I learned that I do have what it takes. I really can be used by God in a larger way that I thought I could. I also made lasting friendships here. You really do bond with people that you serve side by side with.

Now MOPS has become a place where I can meet people. I am in a new town. I'm three hours from a familiar face. We are involved in a church now, but when we first got here seven months ago I didn't know anyone. We were still searching for a church home. I was lonely, with an capital L. I knew when we got here that I had to find a MOPS group. Through MOPS I have found a friend that I can call and meet at the park, or just hang out with. Some connection. I need that desperately. When I had to take my daughter to get her cast on, it was a MOPS mom that stepped up and watched my two youngest kids for me.

What a blessing other MOPS moms have been to me. I have laughed with these women over the funny things that happen during this stage in our kids lives. I have cried with them, when they lost a pregnancy or we were just struggling with raising our kids. I have found acceptance, not judgment. I have found encouragement when I needed it the most. Overall, I have been fed. Fed physically (us women like to eat!), fed emotionally, and fed spiritually. I pray that I have given something to some mom along the way. I know that I have been given much by my fellow MOPS moms.

On top of all of this, I cannot forget all the wisdom that I have gained from the speakers over the years. I have learned everything from freezer cooking to making bows. I've learned about postpartum depression and how to get my child ready for reading. We have covered topics from photography to disciplining children to keeping the romance alive in your marriage.

I could go on and on about everything I have gained from being in MOPS groups over the last five years...but I will stop here. I hope that you get my point about how important MOPS is. It is a ministry that reaches out into the community and connects women. I have seen women come to know the Lord through MOPS. Please, please, please support your local MOPS groups or start one up today!

To learn more about MOPS International visit http://www.mops.org/

A slave to Christ

Lately I have felt very taken advantage of by my kids. They aren't picking up after themselves, or doing little tasks that I ask them to. I feel like their slave. I have been struggling to keep house work done. I seem to get no help from the ones making the messes. They think this is what I live for. I live to pick up after them. So, as I was complaining and wallowing in self-pity this morning my husband told me to go to Bible study. He told me I needed to go. He spoke truth. I knew I needed to go. The Holy Spirit was convicting me of that. I was listening to Satan whisper to me about how bad I have it, how no one appreciates me, how worthless I am. Lies, all lies. I might feel like I am treated as a slave sometimes by my kids, but I am called to be a slave...a slave to Christ. As my Bible study reminded me, He is my Adonia, my Lord and Master. "God has a right to expect obedience" from me. He is my Master. I am to do His will, not my own. Matthew 10:34-40 says I am to love him above all other. Even myself. But there are benefits to being a bond servant to Christ. That puts me under his protection. "With submission comes all we need for the task He puts before us. Whatever it is, as Adonai He supplies what His servants need in order to perform their Master's will." He will give us understanding (Psalm 119:125). He will be with us (Judges 6:14-16). He remembers us (Psalm 89:50-51). He doesn't leave us empty handed. He equips us with what we need to do His will.

For me right now that means that He is with me in my parenting. He has given me everything I need to do this task of raising four kids. He will never leave me. He will give me the wisdom I need.

We have heard this verse over and over again. But read it slowly this time. Think about what it is really saying: "For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7.

I have the a spirit of power, I can conquer the devil and the lies he tells me. I have a spirit of love, I can love my children even when they are not obedient. I have a spirit of self-discipline, I can keep my temper in check and I can get and keep my housework done. Fill in the blanks for yourself. What does your spirit of power equip you to do? Who does your spirit of love equip you love? What does your spirit of self-discipline equip you to accomplish?

I end with Colossians 3:15 "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful."

*quotes were from Kay Arthur's Lord I want to Know You.